Kevin->Write(thoughts, browser, time)

"There comes a time in every man's life when he needs to pause and reflect on what a giant, boring, and lonely catastrophe his existence is when his head is not covered by a really fuck-all fantastic hat."

The Cavs won 17 games, equalling their total for all last season, and now find themselves only a couple of games out of the playoffs. They're 10-10 since the big Ricky trade and have won three in a row. Lebron turned the ankle a bit and missed a week, and they kept on rolling.

But.

They traded Darius Miles, for freaking Jeff McInnis! Ok, forget about the basketball side of things-that McInnis turns 30 this year, that he can't shoot at all, that he's never been a team guy and has had his share of trouble with the law. Even forget that LeBron drifts when he's not playing point guard, standing in the corner and hoping his threes go down. Forget all that. The big problem is,

I LIKE Darius Miles. He rules! He's a fun guy to cheer for. He's a 6'9" 230 pound kid out there. He jumps about 18 feet in the air and runs the floor like a gazelle, and he's good for one tremendous putback dunk per game. He's got a part in a big MTV movie, A Perfect Score, that comes out tomorrow. He INVENTED the headband and dreadlock look that is so popular around the league these days. I like when he drives the lane and throws up crazily terrible shots. I like when he makes ridiculously dumb turnovers. Best of all, the Antenna Head is pretty much the coolest gesture of all time. And we traded him for a 30 year old brick-laying malcontent. Sure, it makes the team a little better, if McInnis stays happy and can play with LeBron and shoots better than he has the last few years. But Darius is still only 22 and still might become the most fun superstar in the league. If he figures it out and starts throwing down 20-10's in Portland or wherever when he could be doing it next to LeBron, I'm setting off a bomb under Jim Paxon's car.

"What's up with you today, nice pants, nice shoes. You look like a respectable person!"
~Will, on my day's attire

Actually, I've been too damn fat to fit into my khakis, ok? But it's changing. I'm down ten pounds from Christmas, so much that B-Ferg told me at soccer that I looked damn skinny.

On a related note, it seems like this blog has become a vehicle for me to publicly humiliate myself. Which, frankly, I think is a terrific thing.

Cavs update coming tomorrow...it's been a bit since I've written on them.

If you've ever written a spec sheet for a piece of software, you will find this fake one funny: Fake spec

If you haven't, than you should be thanking your lucky stars, but don't click on the link, cause you won't get it. ah, dork elitism.

Glsonion9: ps my roommate won't stop watching golf
Inblooom: bizarre
Glsonion9: the golf talk is not sucking me in yet, much to her frustration. we're big phil mickelson fans so today was a good day!
Glsonion9: by we, i don't mean me
Inblooom: watching golf and rooting for phil mickelson is like writing "I'm a rich WASP" on your forehead
Glsonion9: hey, phil's a nice guy he's donating money for all of his birdies to some good cause
Inblooom: i'm sure he is. but he's a straightlaced whitebread man who never said or did an interesting thing in his life, never won a big tournament, and regularly chokes them away in interesting ways. people like him because he's left-handed and he always goes for the risky shots and loses rather than playing it safe and winning. he also has a really nice set of man-boobs
Glsonion9: like you? hmm..well that sounds slightly dull, kind of like golf itself. are there many interesting people in golf?
Inblooom: tiger is interesting because he is incredibly awesome, has interesting ethnic background, and dates hot blondes. john daly is interesting because he loses his temper a lot, hits the ball really really far, and has come through a lot of personal struggles with alcohol and stuff to remain very good. that's about it off the top of my head
Glsonion9: excuse me, i made a reference to your man-boobs and it was ignored

Glsonion9: hey, nice blog...i love how ted's talking about how girls are pretty and fun to hang out with and you're like "you can have sex with them" stellar

I love this AIM conversation, presented unedited, quite a lot. It makes me feel happy about the world, because Ted is happy about the world.

TheDeadlyBrain: Kievin!
Inblooom: ted!
TheDeadlyBrain: I like multiple i's in your name.
TheDeadlyBrain: Because I'm drunk
TheDeadlyBrain: And talkativce.
TheDeadlyBrain: talkative
Inblooom: heh, how is the party going?
TheDeadlyBrain: I missed it, thank god.
TheDeadlyBrain: I went out and had fun with beautiful ladies.
TheDeadlyBrain: God they're beautiful.
TheDeadlyBrain: Much better than the DX swordfight
TheDeadlyBrain: Me and four girls.
TheDeadlyBrain: Whee
TheDeadlyBrain: Girls are more better than guys anwyay, becuase they're not as retarded.
Inblooom: seriously, and like, you can have sex with them, or so i hear anyway
TheDeadlyBrain: haha, I hear it too, but it's not to be
TheDeadlyBrain: Ladies are just fun.
TheDeadlyBrain: Because they're cool, and they're not dicks, like guys
Inblooom: totally. love the ladies ted. do what you do

"Last night, Sarah and I watched the episode of Seinfeld in which George stops having sex, which turns him into a scientific genius. Perhaps forsaking women might have a similar effect for you?"
(Editors note: no)

"I've never bothered to acquire the tastes for opera or dance, which makes me look like a benighted wretch in social situations."
(Editors note: me also)

(we'll try vice versa from sunday)

Will: It seems like the only person involved in this situation in any way who cares about her feelings is you.

(with the philosophy chair)
Kevin: My problem is, I can't find the one article that glows. There's a hundred pretty good ones, but I only have fifteen pages. I was hoping I'd come in here and tell you my topic and you'd say, "Oh! You need to read this! It'll solve your problems."
Steve Vogel: You don't need an article that glows. You need an article. I know you want to solve this problem this semester, but the reason why there's a hundred good articles is that it's a hard problem. You are paralyzed by your romanticism.

(Five minutes later, Dr. Maskit's office)
Kevin: When I walk into the CS department, I don't find any romantics. I was sort of hoping when I come up here I'd find one or two hiding in a corner.
Maskit: In the philosophy department? Heh.
Kevin: Where do the romantics hide on this campus then?
Maskit: Hmm. Certainly not in the sciences, right.
Kevin: English?
Maskit: Goodness, no...well, maybe creative writing...no, not even there
Kevin: Dance?
Maskit: Nope. Maybe one or two in art history, but that's really pushing it. Basically, the romantics all died a hundred years ago.

I mean, real hard. Ten minutes in the pool, ten laps, and I feel like death. It's like having the flu, but for just a half hour. Sure, I'm massively out of shape, but if my knee was healthy enough I could crank out a six minute mile right now no doubt (That's a solid minute and a quarter slower than I once could, but who's counting). I'm going to be one in-shape cripple by the end of the semester or I'm going to die trying.

Also, from espn.com:
"McBride departs Crew as 7-time All-Star"

"U.S. national team player Brian McBride signed with Fulham of England's Premier League on Tuesday after a career in which he was a mainstay of Major League Soccer.

McBride, the Columbus Crew's all-time leading scorer and a seven-time MLS All-Star, also had been sought by another English club, Blackburn
McBride started all five games at the 2002 World Cup, scoring game-winning goals against Portugal and Mexico. Upon returning from South Korea, the city of Columbus declared July 1, 2002, 'Brian McBride Day.'

McBride played in 137 MLS games during his first seven seasons, scoring 50 goals. In 2002, he led Columbus to the Open Cup. He played for the Crew since he was acquired with the No. 1 overall pick in MLS' inaugural draft in 1996."

This is pretty much the worst possible Columbus soccer news. That man can do no wrong in my town; he's the best American striker with the head and his shooting and passing are world class, and the ladies love him. Will anyone care about the Crew next year?

The more of Newlyweds that I see, the more respect I have for Nick Lachey.

In opera class today, the prof was explaining the requirements for our big paper, part of which includes a discussion of the major arias in the opera which we are covering. And the kid sitting three seats down from me, who shall be known henceforth as Opera Dick, raises his hand and asks, "What if the opera has no arias, like Wagner's work?" Now, anyone who has three or four functioning brain cells knows that the answer to this question is, well, you say that there aren't any arias. So the real purpose of this question was not its ostensible purpose, but rather, "Look at me, I know things about opera." Opera Dick, you arrogant fuck.

LeBron sprained the ankle, probably out tomorrow, which along with the Big Z suspended for fighting and Boozer going to his grandmama's funeral, means the Cavs will be starting Eric Williams, Kedrick Brown, Kevin Ollie, the towel boy, and that fat hairy guy from Along Came Polly; and they should easily set the record for fewest points ever scored, and you should watch the history in the making.

"I look like an asshole through minimal fault of my own, and there's exactly nothing that I can do about it now, and the person who matters the most in the whole deal is the person who got hurt. In other words, I'm picking up the semester exactly where I left off the last one."
~Yours truly

"Listen, someone peed in your pool. And you just can't get pee out of a pool. It's like porn and the internet, it's there for good."
~Ben

"You have some seriously bad karma going on with your personal dramas, don't you..."
~Alison

Kevin: Well, I'm not worried about it, and if I did worry about it, I'd just shoot myself and then, no worries. You know, I'm not really suicidal, just because I'm talking about it. But Will, I want you to have my computer when I'm gone.
Will: I hate Macs.
Ben: What about me?
Kevin: You, my friend, have already had the pleasure of my company for three and a half years.
Tim: And he does mean pleasure, if you know what I mean.

"All discussions have bullshit dumps; we need them. Our logic, whatever it is that we are talking about, can never be completely worked out; all subjects worthy of discussion are too complicated to be fully encased in logic. Thus, in all discussions, the least precise areas become bullshit dumps, elements of the discussion which are used to reconcile our formal logic to our intuitive sense of right or wrong, justice or injustice, accuracy or inaccuracy, reason or madness, moderation or extremity. 'Psychology' is a common bullshit dump. I am not saying that psychology is not real or that psychologists do not know what they are talking about. What I am saying is that since human psychology affects almost everything within our sight in undocumented ways which are never fully understood, psychology inevitably becomes a bullshit dump which can be used to justify or explain what is otherwise unjustified or inexplicable.
'Karma' is a popular bullshit dump. In politics, 'sensitivity' is a bullshit dump; so is the 'influence of the media.' Witchcraft used to be a bullshit dump, but has lost its audience."

Regular postings to resume posthaste. For now, fun moment of my break:

(Painting an apartment, shooting the shit)
Eric: So, when do you think LeBron will committ his first rape?

(general bemusement from Kevin and Max, a pause)
Max: Well, it'll be a while, because you can't rape anyone unless you're married.

(laughter, another pause)
Eric: Aww, Maxxxx
Max(interrupting): Listen, I've forgotten more about rape than you'll ever know!

If you're wondering how I became such a horrible person, it's mostly from hanging out with these two gentlemen.